Smote

I just looked up smote and I used it correctly. Odd that my brain somehow remembers the word "smote" but not other more useful things like to take my allergy medicine everyday.

Anywho, I was smote upon this morning. By an apple cinnamon bagel and a small serving of fruit. I now know what diaper rash must feel like. How is it possible that those two things can inflict so much damage and pain? It must just be my weak intestines. Intestines or sooo over-rated, especially ones that don't work very well.

Maybe I'll go on a liquid diet so I never experience this again. Who are we kidding? It was probably the buffalo chicken pizza I had last night and the pineapple just triggered it this morning.

Maybe I'll sue the pizza place and bagel place for causing unwarranted bodily pain. Then, with my winnings, er, I mean, settlement, I'll start a company that makes diaper rash ointment for adults and call it "Anusil".

Seriously, who came up with the name Vagisil anyway? Worst name ever. As if you don't feel uncomfortable enough, you have to purchase something that says to everyone what is wrong with you.

Ex-nay on the "Anusil". I'm going to call it "Cloud 9" because that is where you will be after you use it.

*Disclaimer - My apologies if I have divulged too much but you all should be used to it by now.