Thursday, August 28, 2008
Well, the lady just said it was a spin class. So I thought, alright, I'll give it a go.
I showed up and had to be directed to it because it was in some convoluted location in a hallway off of the gym.
What I saw before my eyes was not right.
It was a small room lit entirely with black lights and painted in all black and neon colors to really give it a nice glow.*
Maybe they should name the class "psychedelic trip you out spin".
That's not even the worst part, that part was actually kind of fun. I had on a white t-shirt so I was glowing. It feels good to glow every once in a while.
Anywho, I soon realized I was in the spin class from hell.
The class starts out with spinning, then you run upstairs to the roof, run around a small track, sprint around the small track, do some crazy ab workout on a balance ball, push ups, squats for two minutes straight, run and sprint some more, more crazy abs, side abs, push ups and then squats for 3 straight minutes.
THEN, you run back downstairs and spin some more.
THEN, you run up and down the stairs for 8 minutes.
THEN, you spin some more!
Now I know why no one told me what the class was.
I'm going back tonight.
*After doing some follow-up research, apparently, a lot of spin classes are lit by black lights. I had just never been to one that was lit with black lights.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Apparently these "jokesters" bought a Bigfoot costume and stuffed it with possum roadkill and slaughterhouse leftovers. These two men have no idea how tragic this is for the Bigfoot community. I feel like a mockery.
The hunt continues.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Every morning, I scroll through the morning news on cnn.com, foxnews.com, and wsj.com. All very different news outlets, I know. I like to pretend I'm a well-rounded person.
Back to my find though. This morning, a particular article under CNN's "Latest News" section caught my eye.
Are you ready?
Wait for it...
Here it comes........
"Is that a Bigfoot carcass in the freezer?"
This is big people. Some lovely gents in North Georgia, home to some serious rednecks, er, I mean, Bigfoot hunters, found the carcass of Bigfoot and several living Bigfoots in some woods. The creature is 7'7" and 500 pounds, so, not quite as big as my husband.
The picture is kind of morbid but it does look like Bigfoot. I'm just curious as to how this giant animal has never been found before. If it does turn out to be a new animal, I wonder what the scientific name will be, you know that KINGDOM stuff you learned in 5th grade?
Maybe apesuperb? Or, big-ass-ape? Perhaps, monster-ape? Big everything? Super Size Me Ape?
And then McDonald's could have a series of Ape toys that come in the kids meal and the monopoly stickers would turn into win a free trip to see the Bigfoot Apes in North Georgia and go to 6 Flags. In fact, McDonald's should get on trademarking that name a.s.a.p. I would totally collect all of those toys. They could have genuine ape hair on them. Sick. I shouldn't have said that. That's taking it too far.
I'll keep you all posted on the DNA testing results, this is a story I won't be losing track of. Not like the time I lost track of the Caylee story, oh wait, that would be impossible as they are reporting NOTHING NEW E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
However, the Olympic games have an entire connotation with them as an adult that they did not carry as a child. That connotation being laziness.
I don't recall watching the Olympics as a child and feeling particularly lazy. Until now.
I'm not even a very lazy person. But seeing those athletes makes me feel like a bum and how could I NOT be working out for at least two hours every day?
Oh right, a job, a family, a house, excuses excuses the t.v. shouts back at me!
What, you can't properly swim the breast stroke, let alone attempt fly? LAZY
You aren't capable of a simple head stand? LAZY
I am actually too OLD to be a participant in most of the games! How did this happen?!?!
I could move to some random country no one has heard of and qualify that way...maybe my Olympic dreams aren't completely over...I could participate in several very different events due to the lack of participants...I'm pretty sure the qualifications are a lot less stringent on countries like Canada or say, Antarctica...which isn't actually a country but how can we leave out an entire continent?
My floor routine would consist of a lot of chicken dancing and forward rolls b/c I can't do a proper cartwheel. My swimming would be decent, not fast but I could mosey on through it okay. I can ride horses, just leave the jumps out, maybe do a little Judo & Taekwondo, how hard can it be to kick and scream HHIIIIIiiiiIIIII YA!??
Whatever, I'm giving up before I even try. Back to watching the Olympics, on my couch, with a beer. Something the athletes can't do, drink beer. Ha, I'll just take my beer bottle caps and make a necklace and have my own Olympics.
Yuengling for the Gold. Coors light for Silver. Amberbach for Bronze? (Although Coors light tastes like water so really it should be 3rd place but, whateve.)
Monday, August 4, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
If you are as big a fan of The Office as I am, you can probably recognize Michael Scott-isms in any person of authority at your job, and laugh behind his/her back slash also be embarrassed for his/her lack of appropriate behavior.
My boss, while well intentioned, often pulls out inappropriate comments and/or bodily movements at work...that's what she said. Ahem, anyway. It really comes as no surprise anymore to those of us in the office when Boss does things like oh, refer to a fellow co-worker that he dislikes as VD (co-worker's initials) since it stands for veneral disease.
Or instructing us that an employee can go f*&@ themselves if they don't like our answer to their question.
Or flipping people off while on the telephone with them to express dislike for what they are saying.
Or talking about inappropriate sexual ineuendo in reference to his wife, or any other previous sexual partner.
Or talking about how big the peen on his nephew was when he was born followed by "he'll be popular with the ladies". So really none of the following should be shocking...maybe we can blame it on the hormones* that I was offended by this:
Me to FC (female co-worker): So the whole having a baby process weirds Husband out...
Boss (shouts from office): Did you tell him, "yes, it really does stretch that far?!"
Female co-worker and I are having a private discussion, during which Boss barges in and sits down in the middle of my office trying to join in:
Me to FC: So what do you think about _________ (insert work related issue)
FC: Well, I... (interupted by Boss)
Boss: So do you think when you have the baby you'll be like this? (proceeds to hike legs up to waist and act like he is birthing a child)
Boss: So have you thought about what will happen if you go into labor at work?
Me: Well, hopefully that won't happen...
Boss: I guess I'd have to deliver your baby...(then he proceeds into a graphic detailing of when his ex-wife gave birth to his child)
You might think to yourself "helloooo sexual harrassment claim!" but no. I just sit at my desk in horror everytime, hoping my child's ears can't pick up these conversations.
*I am preggers.