I Made Up A Joke

Q: What happens when two nerds kiss?
A: Their glasses break.

You Know It's A Monday When...

You go to your car, press the remote unlock button and don't understand why you can't open the door.

And then you notice the gray cloth interior. Wait, I don't have gray cloth interior.

(Backing away from the car, slight glance to the left and right, phew! No one saw that)

And I don't drive a Camry.

OR a Toyota.

Side note: I have actually GOTTEN IN someone else's Honda Accord before that happened to be unlocked only to not REALIZE it until I tried to stick my key in the ignition and needed to adjust the seat!

**So, obviously it is Wednesday but this is how I knew this week would be a "blonde" week. Hope everyone else is a little less "out of it" than I am on this fine hump day.

I'm Not Holding My Breath

So, part of living in a new city is finding new, well, everything. I ask around as much as possible and finally made it a point to find a dentist. As I sat in the dental chair wishing there was a tv on the ceiling, I wondered, why aren't dental hygienists also trained beauticians? I am positive that the woman could see every eyebrow hair I have missed or just plain neglected out of laziness (and, ew, possibly slightly dark above the lip hairs too, growdy). It would be phenomenal to come out of the dentist office with manicured eyebrows, and heck, why not pedicures as well?? Does anyone know a venture capitalist I can get in touch with? I think I am onto something here.

This Should Come As No Surprise

I love the MTV show Teen Mom. Shocking, I'm sure.

I don't know what it is but maybe it is a world just so outside of my own teen years, I am utterly fascinated. You can't help but think, how would I react in that situation?, would I go after child support? (UM, YES, Farrah, hello??), would I initially just rely on my parents to take care of the child so I could continue my teen lifestyle? (UM, NO, there is no WAY my Mom would have allowed that!), were their parents aware that the daughters were sexually active and just pretended not to know because they didn't want to deal with it??, and the questions go on and on.

I think that one of the most tragic aspects is that some of the mom's that are still in relationships can't let things run their course and are hanging on in vain to their baby Daddy even though, in a "normal" teen relationship, things would have fizzled out and you would move on. (Wow, run-on sentence much?, ha)

Does anyone else find themselves glued to this show?

Confession

I like Ke$ha.
There, I said it.
Deal with it.

I particularly like the song “Stephen”. (Click here to listen to her songs) It is my brother’s name, it is spelled with a “ph”, and it screams “Y” generation. How many Stephen’s do you know that are your parent’s age? Yea, probably none. You should also check out “Dinosaur”. This is hysterical. Especially considering when I was in college one of my guy friends always happened to be with me when older men would check me out. It was a running joke between us that I primarily attracted men at least 40 and older. Sick. And, of course, I can’t help but love the song “Backstabber” because, well, everybody knows you have to watch out for girls. Now, get up and dance!

No More LOLAvie

I can't stop laughing. I know. It's mean. Admit it though, really funny. No More LOLAvie

Taking A Stand - Preventative Measures

You guys. Seriously. My friend Julie was kind enough to share these with me. Can you imagine a TSA agent seeing those next time they try and naked scan me??!?! Mwahahahaha, now I can go back to my "take that biotches" attitude. YES. (Rarely should I function when I am not in the "take that biotches" mode, I am much too boring and banal, no, not Anal, Banal, and...okay, really, I am trying not to be so "take that" because it mostly comes out in road rage which just isn't pretty and I don't want anyone to shoot me because, come on, this is Atlanta, it COULD happen.) And, also, when I don't have some sort of attitude, fun or otherwise, I write posts like this, and I don't think we want that again ( ;

The Definition of Crazy

Can we talk about Danielle from the New Jersey Real Housewives? I mean, that chick is CRAZY. How is she in custody of her children? All I can think about when she talks is that her daughters are going to be lucky to come out even semi-normal with a Mom like that. Really, I am disturbed. I don't think Bravo should allow that kind of crazy, she needs help. And if Danielle left the show, then Dina could come back!

I'm Dating Myself

Oh, PBS. Thank you for running all of the Anne of Green Gables movies recently.

Awesome

Did you guys ever read the e-mail forward of the seven-legged spider as payment for an unpaid bill? If so, then you will love this. If not, you will also love this. Apparently he spends a lot of his spare time writing these sarcastic e-mails. I can't stop laughing at them, it is to the point of silent laughter. You're welcome.

Getting Centered

So, my previous company had a wonderful workout facility in the building with accompanying wonderful workout instructors. One of my favorite classes was a power yoga class. (Her name was Shawn, her husband created the meditation cd for our class...I have to admit, initially the whole thing weirded me out, what was this namas day crap??, until I realized how awesome it was and how effective it is at making me feel so much better mentally and physically.) I can tell since leaving that job over a year ago that my posture has deteriorated GREATLY. I sit at a desk five days a week and find myself consistently slumped over. A couple of weeks ago while visiting friends in Charlotte, we took a group shot. And then I saw it, SWOOP NECK, aka - grandma hunch neck, aka - nasty vulture neck.

So, back to yoga I go via Comcast OnDemand. I have only done it once but I felt SO much better afterwards and I could tell the next day sitting at my desk that I felt stronger. I just need to keep doing it but those dang plank into chaturangas (aka - really hard push-ups "flowing" into cobra back to a pushup and into downward dog) are KILLING me. Lady, do I LOOK like I do a bunch of pushups?? Can you PA-LEASE limit those to maybe five a class?? Oh right, TV, hmm...I'll sit this one out, and looky there, I'm in downward dog now and moving to the next pose...Anyway, I need to build my strength back up and get my posture in gear. Lifting weights isn't exactly the same as being able to hold up my body weight. No twenty-something should have grandma neck in a picture. Sick.

Images Source (Poses are 1. Plank 2. Chaturanga 3. Cobra)

Looks fun right? It isn't even showing you the part where you push your body back into downward dog after the cobra. Is yoga the same as running? No. Does it work you out just as well? Yes. (If you have a good instructor, dvd, etc. and do a flow or power yoga, it isn't all just sitting there and stretching.) I highly recommend Bryan Kest's dvds.

PS - I am highly aware that this post is probably extremely boring but I try to turn people onto yoga whenever I can ( ;

Follow Up to "Taking A Stand"

Sooo...after my harrowing ordeal Friday, I finally got to Harrisburg, PA via BALTIMORE. That's right, the flight after my missed flight was full so I flew into Baltimore and rented a car and drove an hour and a half to PA. It was actually an enjoyable drive. AND, I did it WITHOUT a Garmin. Can you imagine?? I had to READ A MAP. Why do I feel the need to pat myself on the back?? I used to drive around without a map all the time! But life, and more importantly - marriage, is so much sweeter when a Garmin is involved. I wonder how many marriages navigation systems have saved. I assume quite a few.

How did we get back to the South? Well, let me tell you...we started out at 1:30 yesterday, drove to Reagan, yes people, one of the airports near DC (aka 3 HOURS AWAY), and pulled into our driveway around 9:30 last night. However, it was all worth it because we had a BLAST with my family and at my cousin's gorgeous wedding!

When Taking A Stand Bites You In The A$$

So, yea. I travel. A LOT. I time my airport arrival pretty perfectly most of the time. Key word: most.

It all started on a well timed arrival to Hartsfield-Jackson with a check-in 40 minutes prior to departure. You may say, 40 minutes??!! That is crazy! I saw, pff, it is AWESOME. In and out of security within 10, 15 tops. On the tram and to your gate within another 10, tops (and that is if you are going to one of the last terminals and the last gate people, trust me, I do this A LOT).

Except...sometimes...well, one time, stuff comes up. Stuff being randomly selected to do the "naked" scan. Um, no. TSA employees get paid poorly and I am SURE, that at some point someone is going to hyjack the naked scans and release them to some porn site or some pervert will enjoy the job a little TOO much. Needless to say, I rejected the scan. (foreshadowing)

Why, WHY, did I reject the scan???!?!!??? (and why was I selected? Pale white petite girls are so freaking DANGEROUS. You know, maybe I'll get some really great university to do a study on people of my stature committing terror crimes because I am willing to bet there ARE NONE.)

I got a personalized pat-down, whateves - welcome to every UT football game my senior year, and went on my merry way. (NO CLUE at this point that I was dangerously close to departure time. Because, HA, I just showed the TSA whose boss now biotches!)

Except, I got to my gate and it said CLOSED. And the regional airline flight attendants said I couldn't get on.

Me: Are you serious?? Oh man, I got held up at a security check!

Flight A. #1: Blink. Blink. Blink blink.

Flight A. #2: Sorry, that is policy, 10 minutes before take off. What time do you have?

Me: I fly all the time and this has never happened! They are usually still calling names. Dangit, okay, well, thanks. Is there NOTHING you can do so that I can get on the flight? (pulling out my cell) It is only 12:51!! You really can't open the door?

Flight A. #3: That is policy, maam, sorry. The plane is backing up now.

Me: Okay, thanks anyway. (Walking away, LIAR, planes do not back up four minutes before departure. I HATE regional carriers.)

So yea, I am sitting at the airport...hoping and praying I get on the next flight that is currently oversold as is the one after which also happens to be the last flight out today. I think next time I'll just do the naked scan. Lesson learned.

Blog Giveaway!

So...I came across this ADORABLE blog via this blog (warning: SAD alert but very touching)...like I said, blog ADDICT...and she is doing a great diaper bag giveaway! (LOVE her girls' names too!) We are getting to that age where friends are having babies, in my case cousin's are having babies, and this bag looks like the perfect gift! ORrrr, if you have a-da-baybee yourself, it would be a perfect gift from yourself, to yourself. (Those are my kinds of gifts ladies!, I really know how to give myself great gifts, ha!)

Blog Junkie

I'll admit it. I'm addicted to reading blogs. I wish I knew how to customize my blog better, have my own url, etc. but it just isn't in the cards for me to figure that out right now.

That being said, I have a few fellow blog addicts that help feed my addiction. My new blog love is catalog living. If any of you have mother's like mine, you will understand why this is so hysterical. I have so many memories of home decor catalogs just piled up in our house with every room ridiculously pristine. Not to mention, each room has some absurd object that the majority people do not own nor does it have a function of any sort beyond taking a picture for a catalog.

Soooo, do yourself a favor next time you need a smoke break** at work and read this blog.

**I call a quick google reader scan my smoke break. I do not condone smoking nor do I personally smoke ( ; **
***I am terribly saddened by so many newspapers having to shut their doors. I still love print for reading magazines, the WSJ, and books. I don't know that I will ever own a Kindle. I just love the feel of a book in my hands and closing it after that last page. And I especially love owning books that are near and dear to my heart.

The Burned - Kurt Baumann

I recently posted the lyrics to the song "Make Believe". Here is a clip of Kurt talking about the creation of the cd.

Fourth of July

I hope everyone had a fantastic fourth. Independence Day has always been a favorite holiday of mine. Last year was spent shooting skeet at my aunt and uncle's in Texas. This year we stayed in Atlanta and had family in town and ate more watermelon and tubed meat than I care to remember. *The 4th is one of the days my mental kibosh on hot dogs is let down. I am also allowed to eat them at a baseball game. Otherwise, I think they are disgusting. It's a weird mental thing.*

You Guys.

Dolly. Is. Awesome.
I once got into a very heated argument about whether or not she is the Queen of the South (she is).

We made a very strong connection at a 3-way stop in Brentwood, TN once. It changed my life. She looked at me, I looked at her. It was magical. I could just see in her eyes that she was wishing I was her daughter and then she would give me my own blonde wig and fake eyelashes and er, other things, and it would just be so much fun.

So, in case you love Dolly (or are mildly interested), I present to you Dolly's life in photos!!

Seriously HYSTERICAL

My New Love

You will thank me later. http://catalogliving.tumblr.com/

Random Products Continued...

Image Source

I saw this in our local Publix and had to get it. It is just too funny. Plus, I have a feeling when we play South Carolina this year it will come in handy.

Finally

Yes, this is available at CVS. Now all those people don't need to go on Jerry Springer to get this stuff paid for! It's available right around the corner for a reasonable $29.99!

The Two Escobars

I saw the majority of this film on ESPN last night and really enjoyed it. If you can ignore the fact that they show clips of different stadiums while playing a game in another one, the story line itself is very interesting. It is, of course, very sad as well. I had a Spanish professor from Colombia in college that really helped change my view of the country and this film only reinforces that. It is unfortunate that Colombians have gotten a bad rap when the truth is that there are normal, hard-working, good people there just as there are in any other country.

New Look - Same Great Taste

Blogger finally updated their template options (now a little more similar to WordPress) so here is the new look! For now anyway. I would really like to have some tabs at the top so I can put my randomness in categories but this is fine for now.

Random Thought

Chew on this when you are eating lunch today:

I was listening to NPR this morning and they were discussing the man that attempted to bomb Times Square. Specifically, there was a comment made that he possibly chose to plead guilty to reduce his sentence. Does anyone else think it is slightly contradictory that when you are guilty, and you plead guilty, in some cases it is possible to have your sentence reduced? I just mean in general, that is illogical. I know there are instances when it is offered in exchange for information.

Update

So, I am going to make a concentrated effort to write more on this thing. Seriously. Well, we'll see. I can't make any promises.

In other news. Zoe has successfully dug a hole to China in our backyard. I can't be sure because it is a secret hole but I do know that she is in our backyard for hours and hours, appears out of nowhere when I go to get her and has mud all over her paws. I wouldn't think anything of these things except that she can't hear me unless I actually open the backdoor and she only reappears after several minutes. I imagine it would take a few minutes to climb out of a really really long tunnel. Maybe she is trying to save all the dogs there from being eaten. Maybe I should light a candle and place it near the doggy door so dogs will know they have a safe refuge. I just hope she doesn't get arrested.

The Burned - Make Believe Lyrics

I've been feeling a lot this lately. This song just really speaks to me. I can't stop listening to it.

Who’s to know my world?
And who’s to share my worry?
Mountains rise and fall all the time
And it doesn’t mean a damn thing to God
So make believe in miracles instead

Who’s to show no fear?
Then cast the first stone at the mirror
Break the spell you put on yourself
And crack your shell wide open again
And make believe in miracles my friends

Who’s to give everything?
Just to serve what they believe in
Cause that’s the way you play the game of life
You create the world you want to see outside
And remember what it’s like to play God
And make believe in miracles again

Oh, make believe in miracles my friends

The Best Toilet With A View

This particular toilet is in a friend's apartment in Dubai.

Overlooking Palm Jumeirah.

AKA - The best toilet EVER. You could spend HOURS on this toilet. Instead of taking baths, you could just sit on this toilet and sigh and take in the beauty and awesomeness that is probably your life if you have this toilet's view. She should really charge people to use this toilet since they are getting such a fantastic view. I don't see why not, you have to pay to go to the top of the eiffel tower, the empire state building, the...well, you get the point.

Back to Toilets...

This is the mens. Oddly enough, the only difference from the women's is that the little, um, foot placers??? were on the outside of the, um, toilet???

Thought For the Day

Are you really "Still Hood" when it is a decal in cursive font on the back of your Honda Element??

Typical

Me: I don't need to have children, I already have one - you!

DH: But I need someone to play with.

Public Restrooms Continued

Having travelled relatively extensively, I have seen my fair share of bathrooms.

You know what is great about living in the U.S.? We get to flush our toilet paper down the toilet.

That's right. In many countries you have to throw away your used toilet paper in a waste basket in the stall. If you thought men's restrooms smelled bad, you can only imagine what a trash can full of other peoples used t.p. smells like.

Yazaw.

I'm Back!

I had bloggers-block. Big time.

Is it weird that one of the things I love about my new job / work-place is the bathrooms??

Let me explain, they are the stalls that go all the way down, like there is an actual wall between me and the next person with an actual door! I'm not a freak about public restrooms or anything but privacy is always appreciated.