Vandy Blows a Big One

After a pretty horrible experience sitting in the Vanderbilt undergrad section at the UT / Vandy basketball game, I decided a rant on Vanderbilt was needed.

For starters, this is their main cheer:

V-A-N-D-Y VANDY VANDY VANDY OH HELL YEA

Where do I even start? Oh yea, here:

You would think for $35K+ a year, those smug little brats could come up with a better cheer than that.

Moving on.

The school gave out bandanna's at the game...which many of the students promptly wore as "doo rags". Once again, I'm pretty sure at $35K+ a year, you are anything but a thug and you would probably pee your pants if you ever stayed in the ghetto longer than a red light.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that Vanderbilt sucks and my husband and I will be seeking an annulment after he decided to sing the alma mater despite the glaring fact that he:

1. Didn't know the words and had to read the screen.
2. Went to undergrad elsewhere nullifying his loyalty to Vanderbilt.
3. Is a fair-weather fan.

OH, and last time I checked, mascots aren't supposed to have wrinkles...

My Favorite Commercial

I LOVE this commercial. The Dad is so cute and I wish he would be my adopted Grandpa. Too bad I'm not Norwegian or Swedish...

Cutest Kid

I've been pretty busy so I'm going to be lazy and post a forward that I think is pretty hilar.

Today's Ebonic "word of the day" from theLouisiana Public School System
OMELETTE Let's use it in a sentence:

'I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide.'

Break Dancing

So I have decided that my new aspiration in life is to be an awesome break dancer. Two things inspired me:

1. My Super Sweet Sixteen - I don't normally watch this horrendous show but on a very slow Saturday I watched three of them...in a row...followed by High School Musical...back to my point. This girl decided that part of her party would be a break dance performance and had a coach show her some "moves". If she can breakdance, then so can I.
2. Step Up 2 - The Streets - I found the sequel to have an even worse story line than the first BUT, the dancing was WAY better / awesomer.

I'm trying to decide if I want to purchase one of those dance videos or go to a dance class. I'm thinking I will purchase a video because the thought of trying to do that stuff in front of a bunch of people is embarrassing. Plus, if the teacher wants us to "free style", things would turn ugly REAL fast.

Meanwhile, I've just been practicing in front of the mirror in my guest room. I'm pretty sure my yoga class is a segue to break dancing as well considering we do head stands and try to balance our entire bodies on our elbows.

My ultimate goal is the dance scene in the rain and a 2 pack. Oh, and I want everyone to start calling me Jazz, as in jazzy fresh. The name just really encompasses what people will think of when I dance for them.

"J" is for STOP CRYING

So, as previously stated, I am hooked on this season of American Idol. However, one contestant is particularly annoying. His name is Josiah. This is why I don't like him:

1. He is from Morristown, TN but speaks with a British accent (and sings with one).
2. He is living out of his car with no explanation as to why...his family does not know this.
3. He cries way way way too much.
4. He performed HORRIBLY in his last audition and they still passed him! Completely not fair to other contestants.
5. Again, he cries like a little girl causing me to shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears singing, "lalalalala" until he is done crying. I can't watch or listen to such embarassing behavior.

I digress. Sorry this post isn't funny, please see below video to make up for it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj0OM2Olol0

You have to copy and paste it b/c the embedding is disabled. It will be worth it though, especially for all us daughters that have goofy Mom's.

Fashion Week

New York Fashion Week is coming to a close. I would LOVE to go some time, but alas, I'll just watch from the internet. Here are some of my fave's and my not-so-much's.

This is a Ralph Lauren creation and I love it. I love how simple it is and, call me crazy, but I love the hat. And the gloves! I'm going to start wearing cute gloves like my grandmother's did, so classic.

This little jewel is from Zac Posen. By jewel, I mean ugly rock that should have stayed in the mountain. Please tell me that the 1800s plantation style dresses are not making a come back.

This dres is from Bagdley Mischka. They had a ton of great stuff, this was only one of my many likes for the designers. I could probably do without the feathers but what the heck, I kind of like them.

This is another fug from Zac. I really didn't like ANY of his stuff. I mean, what the crud is this? A tux jacket, a ladies blouse, a see-through nightie?

I don't know who Phillip Lim is but I like him. Love the jacket, especially paired with the gold dress.

Alright ladies, go out there with your $100 a month clothing budget and...well, go to Target because none of us can afford this stuff.

B is for Bonnaroo

Bonnaroo's line up looks pretty promising this year. I may actually have to go. The last time I went was the first year they had it and I was one of the only women there that
1) shaved their legs
2) did not have dreads
3) did not have some sort of hippy free-flowing skirt on.

However, it is a lot more mainstream now so I'm sure my khaki shorts will fit in better than they did before.

The Headliners Are:
Pearl Jam
Metallica (I LOOOOOVEEE Metallica)
Jack Johnson (Love almost as much as Metallica)
Kanye West (Not a HUGE fan but wouldn't mind seeing him)



Other Great Acts:

Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) & Alison Krauss
Phil Lesh (Grateful Dead) & Friends (saw them in '02, great)
Ben Folds
O.A.R.
The Allman Brothers
B.B. King (what?!)
Umphrey's McGee
Iron & Wine (think The Last Kiss / Garden State)

I haven't even gotten to the bottom half of the list.

Okay, last time I went, it was ridiculously hot. This year I will be better prepared. Here is how to prepare for Bonnaroo:

1. Grow leg and armpit hair out starting 1 to 2 weeks ahead of time.
2. Purchase some hippy clothing or used clothing from a thrift store. Also dig out birkenstock sandals from bottom of closet.
3. Practice dancing like a wet noodle, no jerky movements.
4. If you are really wanting to look like a true 'roo goer, start growing dreads now. This is done by not washing your hair. That's all I know.
5. Learn "street" names for drugs so that when propositioned by crazy-looking hippy girl, you won't look like a deer in headlights, oh wait, maybe that just happened to me...

What to do when there:

1. Dance like a wet noodle.
2. Do NOT do ANY sort of bathing at the water troughs. (I give you permission to wash your hands).
3. Get to the headlines early to get a good spot.
4. Just Say No.
5. Have a couple of drinks prior to concerts so that you can dance like a wet noodle and not feel stupid.

So, who's with me?

Don't Be Apathetic

It's Super Tuesday so get your boohonkus to the polls and vote! Many people, and many women, do not get this opportunity so be thankful for the country we live in.

Picture Source: WSJ

Retirement Party Gone Wrong

This past weekend my Mom had a retirement party for my Step-Dad. Dave and I went and had a grand 'ole time (they hired a bartender) until things went horribly wrong...

It all started when my Step-Dad started opening gifts. At about the sixth gift, he opened a book, dare I say it, a book called Positions of the Day. Did it stop there? OH NO, of COURSE not! For about 10 minutes, they passed the book around as well as pointed out various positions. I finally had to step in and remind them that children, aka Dave and I, were present. This only caused more laughter and did not deter them from continuing to make jokes and talk about the book.

The only thing that kept my face from turning a tomato-red was the couple drinks I had in me. Of course, I promptly refilled after the initial opening of the book as the only way I could tolerate old people discussing sex was with alcohol.

I can't talk about this anymore, I might vomit up my chocoloate chip bagel that I had for breakfast.

TGIF

Can I just say that this has been the best Friday?! Not ONLY is it jeans day, one of our managers brought in Krispy Kreme doughnuts! I LOVE doughnuts and coffee, I think I was probably a cop in a past life... Anyway, hope everyone else is having a fabulous Friday. I'll be off to Happy Hour in no time!