5. Cousin calls her brother's new wife by the ex-wife's name...new wife avoids cousin rest of the evening.
4. Maternal grandmother starts drinking Christmas Eve day at 10AM and proceeds to get bombed...by herself...
3. Paternal grandmother decides to tell you for the fifth time, and anyone else listening for that matter, her theory on the Middle East.
2. After consuming, you and your relatives decide that you should eat something since the 1:00 afternoon Christmas meal. Thus, cheese, crackers, apples, and desserts are brought out. After devouring considerable amounts of cheese with said drinking relatives, you go home and proceed to have to use the restroom throughout the night. Had you been sober, you would have realized that un-Godly amounts of cheese is never a good idea.
1. Your great-uncle talks to you about make-up sex and how it is the best kind. (WARNING: When you get married, sex is no longer taboo and old people think it is okay to talk about it when you are around and with you)
Happy New Year's!