Laverne & Shirley

PLEASE tell me that some of you at least know of Laverne & Shirley. If you don't, well, you missed out on some essential Nick at Nite.

The below captures the very essence of the show.

Ray Ban

If I see another Vandy douch bag/cow/tool wearing these sunglasses I'm going to vom in my UT Nalgene. (That's right, "TERRIBLE" UT).

Seriously.

Wow, how ORIGINAL. How, TOM CRUISE of you. How RISKY. BUSINESS. (come on people, I shouldn't have to state the obvi.)

But seriously. All that money you could at least hire a stylist to tell you that you would look like everyone else on the cover of Us Weekly.

Wow

Okay, I know. It has been an entire month since I posted. I have been REALLY busy. For example, I've been reading www.dooce.com daily which is insanely exhausting, what with all of the laughing and jealousy of her ability to write a blog that allows her and her husband to retire in their 30s.

Oh, and speaking in fake dog voice on behalf of Zoe.

What can I say but I'm really sorry and I'll try and be a better blogger.

The Day of No Horses

Steeplechase. Awesome.

Bloody Mary. Yum.

Horses? Where? I no see.

I wrote a love haiku above to Steeplechase. Last year I was all like, I'm going to host the shit of Steeplechase and instead I was miserably hot and felt confined to my tent to man the station full of randos and not enough shade.

This year I went commando. No plan. No clue where people's tents were, nothing. It was awesome. I have the horrible sun burn to prove it.

I also didn't wear a hat. Shocking, I know. I decided not to pay another dime for the event as the dumb kids at the Children's Hospital apparently need more money which they basically pryed out of my hands. I think they hired T and Bashley. Kids are tricky, you gotta watch out for them.

Anywho, the weather was perfect, I learned my lesson from my last little shenanigan and ate before drinking, saw everyone I wanted to and hid behind my large sunglasses and new short hair when passing others I would be okay with never seeing, no matter the alcoholic intake.

What better way to spend a Saturday than to use children as an excuse to drink and be merry and walk around saying, "It's for the kids".

Dooce

If any of you haven't checked out the dooce link, get on it. This woman is hilarious.

Donkeybellies.

Bye.

www.dooce.com

Announcement

This just in: eating 3 cups of vegetables every day is OVERRATED. I used to LOVE vegetables and I am very quickly finding that I am OVER it.

Dear Vegetables,
Please taste better raw. I don't have time to cook you every night for work the next day. Even if I did cook you, I don't have time to heat you up and eat you as a snack during my work day. And I don't want to eat 3 cups of you, or "3 servinnggsss!" as mypyramid.gov and the director of our fitness center say to do.

Love,
H

Dear Carrots,
Thank you for coming in an easy and affordable to snack on form. However, I am turning orange and my eyesight is NOT getting better. I don't like you anymore and I am ending this friendship. I don't like you cooked either unless you come in a vat of fat surrounded by onions and potatoes and a pot roast.

Love,
H

Dear Bloody Mary,
Hey girl, sup? I heart you. If I drink 3 cups of you, net the vodka, can that count as my 3 servings? Yes indeedy, why thank you! Count down to PeopleWaste, or as the boring people call it, SteepleChase, t-minus 3 days.

Sorry you got such a bad name back in the day but I shore am glad that they made a drink in your honor. Tell Ed and Liz holla!

Love,
H

Dear Italian Food / PF Chang's Leftovers,
See you tonight.
H

Man Language

Me: Let's get an orchid!

DH: What's a gorken?

Me: Huh?

DH: What's a gorken?

Me: I don't know what a gorken is, I said I want an orchid.

I find this extremely entertaining. Try it, say "gorken" out loud or in a conversation and see if you can control your hysterics.