H Is for Howesome

I Made Up A Joke

2010-08-05T15:48:00.001-05:00

Q: What happens when two nerds kiss?
A: Their glasses break.

You Know It's A Monday When...

2010-08-04T13:52:00.003-05:00

You go to your car, press the remote unlock button and don't understand why you can't open the door.

And then you notice the gray cloth interior. Wait, I don't have gray cloth interior.

(Backing away from the car, slight glance to the left and right, phew! No one saw that)

And I don't drive a Camry.

OR a Toyota.

Side note: I have actually GOTTEN IN someone else's Honda Accord before that happened to be unlocked only to not REALIZE it until I tried to stick my key in the ignition and needed to adjust the seat!

**So, obviously it is Wednesday but this is how I knew this week would be a "blonde" week. Hope everyone else is a little less "out of it" than I am on this fine hump day.

I'm Not Holding My Breath

2010-07-29T12:15:00.003-05:00

So, part of living in a new city is finding new, well, everything. I ask around as much as possible and finally made it a point to find a dentist. As I sat in the dental chair wishing there was a tv on the ceiling, I wondered, why aren't dental hygienists also trained beauticians? I am positive that the woman could see every eyebrow hair I have missed or just plain neglected out of laziness (and, ew, possibly slightly dark above the lip hairs too, growdy). It would be phenomenal to come out of the dentist office with manicured eyebrows, and heck, why not pedicures as well?? Does anyone know a venture capitalist I can get in touch with? I think I am onto something here.

This Should Come As No Surprise

2010-07-28T12:59:00.003-05:00

I love the MTV show Teen Mom. Shocking, I'm sure.

I don't know what it is but maybe it is a world just so outside of my own teen years, I am utterly fascinated. You can't help but think, how would I react in that situation?, would I go after child support? (UM, YES, Farrah, hello??), would I initially just rely on my parents to take care of the child so I could continue my teen lifestyle? (UM, NO, there is no WAY my Mom would have allowed that!), were their parents aware that the daughters were sexually active and just pretended not to know because they didn't want to deal with it??, and the questions go on and on.

I think that one of the most tragic aspects is that some of the mom's that are still in relationships can't let things run their course and are hanging on in vain to their baby Daddy even though, in a "normal" teen relationship, things would have fizzled out and you would move on. (Wow, run-on sentence much?, ha)

Does anyone else find themselves glued to this show?

Confession

2010-07-22T11:24:00.001-05:00

I like Ke$ha.
There, I said it.
Deal with it.

I particularly like the song “Stephen”. (Click here to listen to her songs) It is my brother’s name, it is spelled with a “ph”, and it screams “Y” generation. How many Stephen’s do you know that are your parent’s age? Yea, probably none. You should also check out “Dinosaur”. This is hysterical. Especially considering when I was in college one of my guy friends always happened to be with me when older men would check me out. It was a running joke between us that I primarily attracted men at least 40 and older. Sick. And, of course, I can’t help but love the song “Backstabber” because, well, everybody knows you have to watch out for girls. Now, get up and dance!

No More LOLAvie

2010-07-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

I can't stop laughing. I know. It's mean. Admit it though, really funny. No More LOLAvie

Taking A Stand - Preventative Measures

2010-07-21T15:17:00.003-05:00

You guys. Seriously. My friend Julie was kind enough to share these with me. Can you imagine a TSA agent seeing those next time they try and naked scan me??!?! Mwahahahaha, now I can go back to my "take that biotches" attitude. YES. (Rarely should I function when I am not in the "take that biotches" mode, I am much too boring and banal, no, not Anal, Banal, and...okay, really, I am trying not to be so "take that" because it mostly comes out in road rage which just isn't pretty and I don't want anyone to shoot me because, come on, this is Atlanta, it COULD happen.) And, also, when I don't have some sort of attitude, fun or otherwise, I write posts like this, and I don't think we want that again ( ;

The Definition of Crazy

2010-07-20T20:23:00.003-05:00

Can we talk about Danielle from the New Jersey Real Housewives? I mean, that chick is CRAZY. How is she in custody of her children? All I can think about when she talks is that her daughters are going to be lucky to come out even semi-normal with a Mom like that. Really, I am disturbed. I don't think Bravo should allow that kind of crazy, she needs help. And if Danielle left the show, then Dina could come back!

I'm Dating Myself

2010-07-16T10:43:00.001-05:00

Oh, PBS. Thank you for running all of the Anne of Green Gables movies recently.

Awesome

2010-07-14T20:34:00.002-05:00

Did you guys ever read the e-mail forward of the seven-legged spider as payment for an unpaid bill? If so, then you will love this. If not, you will also love this. Apparently he spends a lot of his spare time writing these sarcastic e-mails. I can't stop laughing at them, it is to the point of silent laughter. You're welcome.

Getting Centered

2010-07-13T11:08:00.007-05:00

So, my previous company had a wonderful workout facility in the building with accompanying wonderful workout instructors. One of my favorite classes was a power yoga class. (Her name was Shawn, her husband created the meditation cd for our class...I have to admit, initially the whole thing weirded me out, what was this namas day crap??, until I realized how awesome it was and how effective it is at making me feel so much better mentally and physically.) I can tell since leaving that job over a year ago that my posture has deteriorated GREATLY. I sit at a desk five days a week and find myself consistently slumped over. A couple of weeks ago while visiting friends in Charlotte, we took a group shot. And then I saw it, SWOOP NECK, aka - grandma hunch neck, aka - nasty vulture neck.

So, back to yoga I go via Comcast OnDemand. I have only done it once but I felt SO much better afterwards and I could tell the next day sitting at my desk that I felt stronger. I just need to keep doing it but those dang plank into chaturangas (aka - really hard push-ups "flowing" into cobra back to a pushup and into downward dog) are KILLING me. Lady, do I LOOK like I do a bunch of pushups?? Can you PA-LEASE limit those to maybe five a class?? Oh right, TV, hmm...I'll sit this one out, and looky there, I'm in downward dog now and moving to the next pose...Anyway, I need to build my strength back up and get my posture in gear. Lifting weights isn't exactly the same as being able to hold up my body weight. No twenty-something should have grandma neck in a picture. Sick.

Images Source (Poses are 1. Plank 2. Chaturanga 3. Cobra)

Looks fun right? It isn't even showing you the part where you push your body back into downward dog after the cobra. Is yoga the same as running? No. Does it work you out just as well? Yes. (If you have a good instructor, dvd, etc. and do a flow or power yoga, it isn't all just sitting there and stretching.) I highly recommend Bryan Kest's dvds.

PS - I am highly aware that this post is probably extremely boring but I try to turn people onto yoga whenever I can ( ;

Follow Up to "Taking A Stand"

2010-07-12T09:04:00.002-05:00

Sooo...after my harrowing ordeal Friday, I finally got to Harrisburg, PA via BALTIMORE. That's right, the flight after my missed flight was full so I flew into Baltimore and rented a car and drove an hour and a half to PA. It was actually an enjoyable drive. AND, I did it WITHOUT a Garmin. Can you imagine?? I had to READ A MAP. Why do I feel the need to pat myself on the back?? I used to drive around without a map all the time! But life, and more importantly - marriage, is so much sweeter when a Garmin is involved. I wonder how many marriages navigation systems have saved. I assume quite a few.

How did we get back to the South? Well, let me tell you...we started out at 1:30 yesterday, drove to Reagan, yes people, one of the airports near DC (aka 3 HOURS AWAY), and pulled into our driveway around 9:30 last night. However, it was all worth it because we had a BLAST with my family and at my cousin's gorgeous wedding!

When Taking A Stand Bites You In The A$$

2010-07-09T13:13:00.003-05:00

So, yea. I travel. A LOT. I time my airport arrival pretty perfectly most of the time. Key word: most.

It all started on a well timed arrival to Hartsfield-Jackson with a check-in 40 minutes prior to departure. You may say, 40 minutes??!! That is crazy! I saw, pff, it is AWESOME. In and out of security within 10, 15 tops. On the tram and to your gate within another 10, tops (and that is if you are going to one of the last terminals and the last gate people, trust me, I do this A LOT).

Except...sometimes...well, one time, stuff comes up. Stuff being randomly selected to do the "naked" scan. Um, no. TSA employees get paid poorly and I am SURE, that at some point someone is going to hyjack the naked scans and release them to some porn site or some pervert will enjoy the job a little TOO much. Needless to say, I rejected the scan. (foreshadowing)

Why, WHY, did I reject the scan???!?!!??? (and why was I selected? Pale white petite girls are so freaking DANGEROUS. You know, maybe I'll get some really great university to do a study on people of my stature committing terror crimes because I am willing to bet there ARE NONE.)

I got a personalized pat-down, whateves - welcome to every UT football game my senior year, and went on my merry way. (NO CLUE at this point that I was dangerously close to departure time. Because, HA, I just showed the TSA whose boss now biotches!)

Except, I got to my gate and it said CLOSED. And the regional airline flight attendants said I couldn't get on.

Me: Are you serious?? Oh man, I got held up at a security check!

Flight A. #1: Blink. Blink. Blink blink.

Flight A. #2: Sorry, that is policy, 10 minutes before take off. What time do you have?

Me: I fly all the time and this has never happened! They are usually still calling names. Dangit, okay, well, thanks. Is there NOTHING you can do so that I can get on the flight? (pulling out my cell) It is only 12:51!! You really can't open the door?

Flight A. #3: That is policy, maam, sorry. The plane is backing up now.

Me: Okay, thanks anyway. (Walking away, LIAR, planes do not back up four minutes before departure. I HATE regional carriers.)

So yea, I am sitting at the airport...hoping and praying I get on the next flight that is currently oversold as is the one after which also happens to be the last flight out today. I think next time I'll just do the naked scan. Lesson learned.

Blog Giveaway!

2010-07-08T20:00:00.005-05:00

So...I came across this ADORABLE blog via this blog (warning: SAD alert but very touching)...like I said, blog ADDICT...and she is doing a great diaper bag giveaway! (LOVE her girls' names too!) We are getting to that age where friends are having babies, in my case cousin's are having babies, and this bag looks like the perfect gift! ORrrr, if you have a-da-baybee yourself, it would be a perfect gift from yourself, to yourself. (Those are my kinds of gifts ladies!, I really know how to give myself great gifts, ha!)

Blog Junkie

2010-07-08T19:02:00.004-05:00

I'll admit it. I'm addicted to reading blogs. I wish I knew how to customize my blog better, have my own url, etc. but it just isn't in the cards for me to figure that out right now.

That being said, I have a few fellow blog addicts that help feed my addiction. My new blog love is catalog living. If any of you have mother's like mine, you will understand why this is so hysterical. I have so many memories of home decor catalogs just piled up in our house with every room ridiculously pristine. Not to mention, each room has some absurd object that the majority people do not own nor does it have a function of any sort beyond taking a picture for a catalog.

Soooo, do yourself a favor next time you need a smoke break** at work and read this blog.

**I call a quick google reader scan my smoke break. I do not condone smoking nor do I personally smoke ( ; **
***I am terribly saddened by so many newspapers having to shut their doors. I still love print for reading magazines, the WSJ, and books. I don't know that I will ever own a Kindle. I just love the feel of a book in my hands and closing it after that last page. And I especially love owning books that are near and dear to my heart.

The Burned - Kurt Baumann

2010-07-07T12:40:00.001-05:00

I recently posted the lyrics to the song "Make Believe". Here is a clip of Kurt talking about the creation of the cd.

Fourth of July

2010-07-06T12:47:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic fourth. Independence Day has always been a favorite holiday of mine. Last year was spent shooting skeet at my aunt and uncle's in Texas. This year we stayed in Atlanta and had family in town and ate more watermelon and tubed meat than I care to remember. *The 4th is one of the days my mental kibosh on hot dogs is let down. I am also allowed to eat them at a baseball game. Otherwise, I think they are disgusting. It's a weird mental thing.*

You Guys.

2010-07-02T08:59:00.002-05:00

Dolly. Is. Awesome.
I once got into a very heated argument about whether or not she is the Queen of the South (she is).

We made a very strong connection at a 3-way stop in Brentwood, TN once. It changed my life. She looked at me, I looked at her. It was magical. I could just see in her eyes that she was wishing I was her daughter and then she would give me my own blonde wig and fake eyelashes and er, other things, and it would just be so much fun.

So, in case you love Dolly (or are mildly interested), I present to you Dolly's life in photos!!

Seriously HYSTERICAL

2010-06-30T14:24:00.000-05:00

My New Love

2010-06-30T08:29:00.001-05:00

You will thank me later. http://catalogliving.tumblr.com/

Random Products Continued...

2010-06-28T13:01:00.003-05:00

Image Source

I saw this in our local Publix and had to get it. It is just too funny. Plus, I have a feeling when we play South Carolina this year it will come in handy.

Finally

2010-06-24T12:55:00.002-05:00

Yes, this is available at CVS. Now all those people don't need to go on Jerry Springer to get this stuff paid for! It's available right around the corner for a reasonable $29.99!

The Two Escobars

2010-06-23T09:08:00.002-05:00

I saw the majority of this film on ESPN last night and really enjoyed it. If you can ignore the fact that they show clips of different stadiums while playing a game in another one, the story line itself is very interesting. It is, of course, very sad as well. I had a Spanish professor from Colombia in college that really helped change my view of the country and this film only reinforces that. It is unfortunate that Colombians have gotten a bad rap when the truth is that there are normal, hard-working, good people there just as there are in any other country.

New Look - Same Great Taste

2010-06-22T12:32:00.001-05:00

Blogger finally updated their template options (now a little more similar to WordPress) so here is the new look! For now anyway. I would really like to have some tabs at the top so I can put my randomness in categories but this is fine for now.

Random Thought

2010-06-22T11:01:00.002-05:00

Chew on this when you are eating lunch today:

I was listening to NPR this morning and they were discussing the man that attempted to bomb Times Square. Specifically, there was a comment made that he possibly chose to plead guilty to reduce his sentence. Does anyone else think it is slightly contradictory that when you are guilty, and you plead guilty, in some cases it is possible to have your sentence reduced? I just mean in general, that is illogical. I know there are instances when it is offered in exchange for information.

Update

2010-06-18T09:51:00.002-05:00

So, I am going to make a concentrated effort to write more on this thing. Seriously. Well, we'll see. I can't make any promises.

In other news. Zoe has successfully dug a hole to China in our backyard. I can't be sure because it is a secret hole but I do know that she is in our backyard for hours and hours, appears out of nowhere when I go to get her and has mud all over her paws. I wouldn't think anything of these things except that she can't hear me unless I actually open the backdoor and she only reappears after several minutes. I imagine it would take a few minutes to climb out of a really really long tunnel. Maybe she is trying to save all the dogs there from being eaten. Maybe I should light a candle and place it near the doggy door so dogs will know they have a safe refuge. I just hope she doesn't get arrested.

The Burned - Make Believe Lyrics

2010-04-13T11:56:00.005-05:00

I've been feeling a lot this lately. This song just really speaks to me. I can't stop listening to it.

Who’s to know my world?
And who’s to share my worry?
Mountains rise and fall all the time
And it doesn’t mean a damn thing to God
So make believe in miracles instead

Who’s to show no fear?
Then cast the first stone at the mirror
Break the spell you put on yourself
And crack your shell wide open again
And make believe in miracles my friends

Who’s to give everything?
Just to serve what they believe in
Cause that’s the way you play the game of life
You create the world you want to see outside
And remember what it’s like to play God
And make believe in miracles again

Oh, make believe in miracles my friends

The Best Toilet With A View

2010-04-12T21:38:00.005-05:00

This particular toilet is in a friend's apartment in Dubai.

Overlooking Palm Jumeirah.

AKA - The best toilet EVER. You could spend HOURS on this toilet. Instead of taking baths, you could just sit on this toilet and sigh and take in the beauty and awesomeness that is probably your life if you have this toilet's view. She should really charge people to use this toilet since they are getting such a fantastic view. I don't see why not, you have to pay to go to the top of the eiffel tower, the empire state building, the...well, you get the point.

Back to Toilets...

2010-03-18T22:25:00.002-05:00

This is the mens. Oddly enough, the only difference from the women's is that the little, um, foot placers??? were on the outside of the, um, toilet???

Thought For the Day

2010-02-25T07:29:00.000-06:00

Are you really "Still Hood" when it is a decal in cursive font on the back of your Honda Element??

Typical

2010-02-09T14:28:00.001-06:00

Me: I don't need to have children, I already have one - you!

DH: But I need someone to play with.

Public Restrooms Continued

2010-02-05T09:23:00.002-06:00

Having travelled relatively extensively, I have seen my fair share of bathrooms.

You know what is great about living in the U.S.? We get to flush our toilet paper down the toilet.

That's right. In many countries you have to throw away your used toilet paper in a waste basket in the stall. If you thought men's restrooms smelled bad, you can only imagine what a trash can full of other peoples used t.p. smells like.

Yazaw.

I'm Back!

2010-02-03T09:28:00.002-06:00

I had bloggers-block. Big time.

Is it weird that one of the things I love about my new job / work-place is the bathrooms??

Let me explain, they are the stalls that go all the way down, like there is an actual wall between me and the next person with an actual door! I'm not a freak about public restrooms or anything but privacy is always appreciated.

Two of My Favorite People

2009-11-04T09:35:00.000-06:00

That I don't know.

From Nobel Peace Prize to Heisman??

2009-10-12T19:23:00.000-05:00

Too funny not to post:

This just in!!
Obama wins the Heisman Trophy after watching college games over the weekend.

Resumes, Who Knew?

2009-09-24T21:22:00.002-05:00

Today I used a copy of my resume to measure a toilet. It is the most use I have gotten out of the thing since being thrown (well, voluntarily thrown) into what can only be called a tornado of a job search economy. DH owes me, big time.

Amazima

2009-09-11T20:46:00.004-05:00

This is a young woman from my hometown of Brentwood, TN. She is doing AMAZING things. Please visit her website. If you feel so inclined, please donate money to her cause. I promise you will feel humbled and inspired by her story.

A-T-L

2009-07-31T13:00:00.003-05:00

I can't tell you how proud I am to now live in the city with the trashiest version of Bravo's Real Housewives!

Image Source: www.bravotv.com

I don't know about you guys, but I think this lady is about to drop the "F" BOMB on that man! Stay classy San Diego, er, I mean Atlanta.

Dog Models..anyone?

2009-07-11T16:45:00.003-05:00

I'm calling all casting agents, two dog models available for small sitting fee.

*PS - Stripper Pole lyrics coming shortly. Snoop Dogg will be in the HOT ATL in a couple weeks and I just know he will want to buy the rights to it once I stalk him down...

Am I really Still At It?

2009-07-07T23:23:00.002-05:00

So, it wasn't long before my return that I heard the new "hit song", that is currently listed on the Billboard Hot 100 list at #8 mind you, Birthday Sex.

Really?

I mean, REALLY?

I'm not even going to bother with the lyrics like normal, the name of the song itself is dumb enough.

Here's the link to the video though: Try Not To Groan.

I'm going to write a song too, I'm calling it, "Stripper Pole". Don't you dare try and use that, that is copyright biotches.

I'm Baaaaack & So Are Harem Pants??

2009-06-08T09:43:00.002-05:00

We are finally back from our adventure in Europe.

I had seen the harem pants before we left. Various retailers attempting to sell the new "it" item.

I should have known I would see women in Europe, of all places (duh), wearing them.

I just wasn't prepared for the hideousness that would ensue.

I tried to turn my head, look at anything, ANYTHING including the naked man walking in the park in Barcelona, to not see these terrible pants.

They are like a train wreck, I rubbernecked my way past every pair I saw.

There was only one, I repeat ONE, lady that appeared to have come the closest to pulling them off.

Except your brain recoils and remembers what they are. Fugly pants. So, of course, she didn't pull them off but came so close I was scared. Scared for all of the other people that would see her almost wearing them and not them wearing her and then all of those people buying a pair.

What are they? A parachute for those random emergencies? Aladdin pants for that magical lamp? Quintessentially pajama pants without being called pajama pants??

IDK. My bff Rose.

I Think I Too Should Start A Shoe Line...

2009-05-01T00:01:00.002-05:00

When did Redneck become "en vogue"? A pair of these suckers will run you upwards of $550. Dude, I can look like a redneck for FREE.

Snakes

2009-04-27T15:25:00.002-05:00

Eeeek. I was running in Percy Warner and saw a big black snake (feel free to giggle here all you pervs) hanging out on the left side of the road. Luckily it saw me before I realized what it was and slithered into the woods. Talk about motivational running.

I saw another baby snake today, green, it is going to be a big sucker. This time I was at Radnor Lake.

I haven't seen a snake in 10 years, since I saw a huge copperhead in the middle of west Texas on an outdoor basketball court and now I have seen snakes two days in a row. This has to have some sort of karma / folklore something or other associated with it.

Just a fair warning.

Nashville's Mexican Restaurants - A Review

2009-04-20T22:23:00.003-05:00

In this review I will be concentrating on "up-scale" Mexican, which in Nashville means, entrees more than $6.25. These are the restaurants you will want to visit if you feel stimulated, maybe by your tax refund check that just came in the mail, or maybe just because LIFE IS GOOD.

Now, I will not be including Lime in this review. Why do you ask? Because this review isn't for the fusion types and it certainly isn't for paying for chips and salsa. This is for Mexican food, as in, Santa Anna riding towards the Alamo with a plate of hot fajitas in one hand and a tamale in the other people. Get with the program.

The grade is based on the same as the burrito review: 1) Value; 2) Taste; 3) Atmosphere

Rosepepper - F Overrated. Say it with me now O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D! (dun, dun, dundundun) The margarita's are the best thing there, then the outdoor patio. The taste is "eh", mostly because it is overrated. If you happen to stumble upon Rosepepper, you might be pleasantly surprised. But most people do not stumble upon it. The atmosphere is okay and the wait staff is too hipster for my Mexican restaurant taste. If I want hipster, I'll go to Fido or Bongo Java or watch the tweens walk by at Belmont. **DO NOT GO ON A WEEKEND NIGHT.** Here is my theory. People think it is good because they wait to be seated for an easy hour and a half and by that point, I would eat a CARDBOARD BOX. So, yes, I know some people will majorly disagree with me and I am sorry to offend.

La Paz - C The food is good and the atmosphere is good but it is a tad bit on the expensive side for my pocket book with entrees averaging $12 to $13. The "C" is simply because the value is on the high side for this restaurant. If you are willing to spend a bit more on dinner, then this would be a B+. Okay, maybe I am not being completely fair to La Paz. It is good but somehow the Green Hills location is really throwing me off. Es no bueno. As in, snooty Mexican? I don't know, I just can't upgrade it.

Cozymel's - B+ This is a chain but it is pretty good if you can't get your Tex-Mex in Texas. Like all chain restaurants, it lacks a certain "umph" but if you can get past that, I think you will enjoy it. The food is good and fresh tasting, none of that Mexican that sits in a disgusting vat of grease. The "+" in the grade is for being a chain, yet being delicioso despite the chainy-ness.

Rosario's - A- Don't get the two R's mixed up. Rosario's is definitely the better of the two. The value is good and you get 10% off if you have a AAA membership. The happy hour is a pretty good deal as well. The taste is pretty decent. And the atmosphere is nice with a relaxing patio and a very friendly staff. I love friendly staff. Okay, it would probably be a "B+" but everyone there is so darn nice. It keeps me going back...that and I live dos segundos away. And they have cactus as a garnish.

El Chico - A El Chico? What? I have never heard of that. You know why? The location is TERRIBLE. The atmosphere is "eh", I don't even remember a patio and I certainly wouldn't sit on it if they had one but the food is good. (Picture a view of Murfreesboro Road right before you hit Briley from downtown direction...yea...yuck) The "A" rating is because it is a little gem that most people don't know about. But take my word for it, the food is good and the chips are so nice and thin and crispy. How chips should be. I could write an entire blog on tortilla chips. But alas, El Chico has the best chips out of all of these places. Chili's comes in a close second but they aren't Mexican.

Cantina Laredo - Hesitantly anticipating at least an A - Click on this link and I dare you to TRY not to salivate. OH. MY. GOSH. Okay, straight talk time, this is a chain. However, most Nashvillians will not know this because they live under a restaurant hole-sized rock. Okay, to be honest, both of my parents were in the restaurant business and I am from Texas which has pretty much every chain imaginable so I have a leg up. Regardless, forget that this is a chain. You would never know. All of the Cantina's I have been to are seriously muy bueno. The location is set to open soon and I hope it does not disappoint.

I am sure I am leaving some out, I didn't even really get to the suburbs but most of those will fall into my next category, I Like My Mexican Real Thick and Juicy (so find that juicy double...anyone? Bueller? no, okay.).

Worth It.

2009-04-17T09:35:00.002-05:00

The last minute or so of this is worth the wait. Who hasn't been here? Haha.

A Picture...

2009-04-15T17:17:00.001-05:00

Source: Holland

Is Worth A Thousand Words

Thirsty Thursday Sounds Games...

2009-04-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

are GONE.

That's right. Yet, somehow, they still touted the season opener over the radio as a Thirsty Thursday. The only thing thirsty about that game was my mouth. Because at $6 a beer (16 oz; $7 for a 20oz), I'm not drinking more than one and I'm certainly not going back. General admission was $8 despite the advertisement of $6, perhaps this price is only available presale. Either way, the new owners will find that their attendance is going to decrease.

The reason for omitting the Thirsty Thursday event is to draw more families. If you want to draw more families, well, a 7 PM game on a Thursday isn't the way to do it. What responsible parent is going to trek almost downtown to a shady neighborhood on a school night? Um, not many.

Solution. Leave Thirsty Thursday to the adults. Families can go to any other game. And if the new owners had any sort of ethics, they wouldn't have advertised the season opener as a Thirsty Thursday. That's called false advertisement. But hey, I guess you got people there. Too bad the word is out and now everyone knows you are a bunch of liars.

Star Sighting!

2009-04-08T09:37:00.002-05:00

I definitely saw Martina McBride last night with her daughters at dinner. All I could think of was the song I Hope You Dance with her little girls twirling around. Except they are tweens and I doubt they would have twirled around for me if I had asked. But maybe I should have asked...

Now, if I could have a Nicole and Keith sighting, my life would be complete.

Silent Laughing

2009-04-07T10:46:00.001-05:00

So Funny

2009-04-03T13:29:00.001-05:00

For more videos of Julian, click here.

What You Didn't Know You Are Missing

2009-04-02T12:37:00.002-05:00

Remember Doogie Howser? Child prodigy doctor? Yea, he is on a show called How I Met Your Mother.

I am a huge fan and suggest that everyone give it a shot. Barney and Robin are my favorite characters.

Here is a quote to pique your interest:

Barney: Ted, laster tag knows no age restrictions, kind of like stripping in the midwest.

LOVE IT. I suggest starting from the beginning, watching a lot of them in the row is the best way to get into it.

In fact, someone used the tag pick up line from the show (Barney to random girl, "haaaavve you met Ted?" only the guys name was Chris and I had gone to college with him haha) on me at Mafiaoza's a couple of years ago and I was so flattered. I consider it the highest compliment that someone would try that line with me. Haha.

Oh My GaGa

2009-03-29T00:23:00.004-05:00

I can't help it.

I love her.

Even more so because she is actually talented. Read here for more info.

Meanwhile, try and stop yourself from dancing to this. Yeah, didn't think you could.

Eyebrows

2009-03-26T11:14:00.001-05:00

Me: Did you shave your eyebrows?
DH: Yes, it's better than not doing anything.
Me: It looks like you mowed a patch of grass.

Part I - Eating Through Our Kitchen

2009-03-23T22:00:00.003-05:00

One of the many joys of moving is realizing that no, you do not want to take all of the food in your house with you. Thus begins the process of eating everything in our pantry and fridge and only replenishing items such as milk, break, and bananas (a staple in our house).

To make things even more complicated, we will be traveling for two months and then living with family after that until we get a house of our own. Thus providing further incentive to empty it all out.

This was our first main meal in the ~6 week process. And yes, we probably have enough food in our house to last that long.

As you can see, the theme is "hodgepodge". We have a lovely ensemble of hot wings made with frozen chicken and Texas Pete Hot Sauce and of course bleu cheese dressing, red potatoes cubed and cooked with olive oil and lipton onion soup mix (I highly recommend this, very delicious), and what else would pair so well with these things but spaghetti squash with margarine and brown sugar.

This meal was actually very good despite the "melting pot" of items. I'm dreading when we get down to eating the panko bread crumbs with who knows what else. The creativity is going to be bustin' out and I'm not sure if that is a good thing...

Jack Daniel's - A Review

2009-03-12T09:35:00.014-05:00

Okay, so this isn't really a review because I am 100% biased but if I were going to review Tennessee whiskey it would be based on 1) smoothness; 2) taste; 3) value; 4) how well it mixes with diet coke / can I take a shot of it without cringing; and new on the scale for whiskey 5) if I can drink it straight on the rocks.

In all aspects, Jack gets a big fat A+.

A couple of weeks ago, the DH, my cousin from Texas, his girlfriend and I had the pleasure of going on the Jack Daniel's tour in Lynchburg, TN. Lynchburg is located in a dry county so unfortunately no tasting ensued, well, until we got home and drank some of my Step-Dad's Gentleman Jack. As one tour guide said, "This is the wettest dry county around".

Check out some pics from the tour:

This is the spring where they get the water from to make the whiskey. Jack's statue is outside the spring, he was only 5'2"!

140 proof whiskey before it is "mellowed". I definitely singed some nose hairs just walking by that thing.

Fermentation process. That was one intense yeast smell.

Mellowing. The whiskey is mellowed over sugar maple charcoal that the distillery makes by burning a bunch of wood soaked in...you guessed it, whiskey.

The barrels are made at the distillery as well and are seen here while the whiskey matures. Jack Daniel's has a green label, I'm personally not a fan just because I associate Jack with being delicious and the green isn't so delicious. But it is probably the best green label whiskey on the market.

This is a barrel of whiskey. You can buy an entire barrel of the Single Barrel whiskey for only $10,000. They ship you the barrel itself when you buy one and you get your name on a plaque in the room pictured here. WalMart Germany had purchased seven of these. Haha, I don't know why I find that so entertaining.

If I am ever able to purchase one, that barrel will be proudly displayed in my front yard.

If you ever get the chance, definitely go on this tour. You can purchase commemorative bottles there but regardless, it is probably the best "adult beverage" tour you will go on even though there is no tasting.

The Education System - A Review

2009-03-11T15:57:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling very "reviewy" lately so I'm rolling with it. As some of you may know, I am a Big Sister in the Big Brother Big Sister Program. I highly recommend this program but don't think about it unless you can actually be committed to your little.

On to the Review.
I went to visit my little at her new elementary school. This was probably the most entertaining 30 minutes I have had in my life besides the time I saw Jim Gaffigan or when Smashley Boyner developed what we now call the T-Rex.

In 30 minutes I learned that:

Teachers ruin the lunch. We had to be quiet almost every five minutes. The kids at my table could talk to me since I am an adult. One teacher got so annoyed she made them put their heads down on the table. Every kid in there was no more than 10 years old. Um, did teachers miss that part in their college education where you learn that kids have a lot of energy? And you know, that maybe, they need some time to RELEASE IT.
My little has recess twice a week. See above comment about energy.
An eight-year-old she is in school with claims to have had sex with some other kid in the sandbox. EIGHT YEARS OLD. I didn't know what sex was when I was eight and sometimes I'm still not sure if I do now...(kidding of course)
Kids are starved for genuine adult attention. All of them were word-vomiting what was going on in their lives to me. One little boy told me his father has 10 children with a couple of different women. The boy lives with his older sister who doesn't smack him with a shoe as much as his Dad did. Isn't that good news? Another little girl has an older brother that likes to smack her but her Mom usually isn't around to punish him when he does it. One boy's father lives in Florida. I have experienced this in my own life and I can tell you, especially for a boy, this is not a good thing. Unless of course he isn't being beaten with shoes because of the distance. I mean seriously, these kids need to be talking to someone about these things so they don't grow up dysfunctional adults.
Teachers talk to children like drill sergeants. There is nothing fun about the classroom. Not all teachers do this of course but some of my favorite teachers were the ones that knew how to control the classroom without being Nazis.

There is so much more one can get into on this subject, I haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg. I guess it just saddens me that little lights are going off all over the country because of environments like these. A lot of these kids are "at risk" and frankly, they will stay that way in that environment unless they have an intense amount of perseverance.

Most of my lunch was fun and the kids are used to all of the above listed items, I just couldn't help but notice some of these things as I strongly abhor that teaching style.

Burritos - A Review

2009-03-09T11:46:00.008-05:00

It is time for a burrito review. Anyone that personally knows me, knows that I LOVE burritos. For those of you unfamiliar with this thing called a "burrito", please proceed to the definition before reading.

For my review, I will not be including popular chains including:

Taco Bell - Fast Food chains are not included despite my love for the cheesy bean and rice burrito. Don't even get me started on the bell taking it off their dollar menu and reducing the net weight that was once an entire half pound.

Baja Fresh - Not good enough to compare.

QDoba - Again, does not compare and many of the burritos are not "traditional" nor is there one that combines all great ingredients. I'd have to order three burritos to get the one I want.

Salsaritas - Not good enough to compare. Terrible value.

Now, on to the review. The following burrito establishments will be graded on 1) Value; 2) Taste; 3) Atmosphere

Chipotle -F Now, some of you may disagree with the failing grade of Chipotle. But quite frankly, the atmosphere sucks, chips cost extra and there is no salsa bar. The taste is okay. I get that some of you love the cilantro lime rice. But you know what, you can add cilantro and lime to any burrito at the other three chains.
Baja Burrito - C Now, this is local to Nashville but I threw it in here because it is really popular. The atmosphere is great and includes a fun patio. The value is decent but again, chips are extra. The taste, well, it is okay but the effects of the food on your digestive system make the burrito a bad choice. Stick with the fish tacos or quesadilla.
FreeBirds - B- Freebirds is primarily located in Texas with one of the original locations in College Station - aka - the location of Texas A&M. This location gets an A+. However, we are reviewing the chain as a whole. The other locations I have been to have a terrible atmosphere with the music playing entirely too loud. If I want to scream in order to have a conversation, I'll just go to a loud bar. I believe this became a problem AFTER one of the original owners sold out in 2007. The value is decent, you can get a ridiculously large burrito for not a lot of money. The flavor is decent but the atmosphere leaves a bad taste in my mouth cancelling whatever good burrito taste is millin' around en mi boca.
Moe's - A Now, I know this may surprise some of you but Moe's has a little hidden weapon called CHIPOTLE RANCH. The atmosphere is okay, the value is great, especially considering chips are included and there is a salsa bar with some delicious tomatilla salsa. But the real closer is the ranch. It is delicious. So delicious, that the franchise located on North Shore in Knoxville, TN charges $0.50 to add it. If you order the kid's - sized burrito that comes with a miniature drink and cookie, they don't let you get rid of the cookie so you can have a normal size drink. Needless to say, that location gets a big fat F. That is the problem with franchises but whatever. Get the ranch and lots of it. I like to get that extra tortilla that has accumulated at the top and bottom of the burrito, tear it off, layer it on top of a chip and dip it in the tomatilla salsa. Heaven in my mouth. I don't even need the cheese, lettuce, pico, chix, black beans, etc. Just a softened tortilla with the ranch to put on top of a chip to dip in the salsa.

And there you have it people.

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2009-02-22T11:05:00.001-06:00

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New Addition

2009-02-12T08:19:00.003-06:00

I have been a tad bit slack due to this cute little bugger. Her name is Scout after the little girl in To Kill A Mockingbird. She is part brown lab mix and part Australian Shepherd and will be three months on Friday. She is the sweetest little thing and has the most striking green eyes. Potty training is going pretty well but most of my free time is spent lounging around her just to make sure she isn't up to no good.

Like carrying a piece of poop in her mouth into our house...

Last week we babysat my Mom's dog so we had a brand new puppy, Zoe, and Daisy (my Mom's). The below is one of the few moments of silence that occurred in our house that week.

Oh, you like the purple / fuscia / lavendar couch? YOU CAN HAVE IT.

Exxon Valdez Part II

2009-01-29T11:34:00.002-06:00

So, I remember learning all about oil spills and what they do to marine life in the fifth grade. And the pictures we were showed in class always showed how much of a mess they were to clean up. And the birds, the poor birds and their poor feathers.

Well, at least I thought I understood what a disaster it was until I actually experienced one myself.

In my kitchen.

I had the brilliant idea to try and make fried pickles, thank you Baby Fish Mouth. So, I put the oil in the skillet, just ho humming along make the batter, etc. When all of the sudden, I hear this loud POP.

And I look over and there is oil splattered all over the better quarter of my kitchen. Well, I thought, that was weird, maybe a freak occurrence. But I kept my distance just in case.

Well, it kept doing it! Apparently there was some water in the oil which causes it to explode like Old Faithful.

So, I took it off the heat.

Except there was oil EVERYWHERE. And it took forever to clean up and my floor is still a little bit slippery. And I don't even have any birds to wash off!

So, please, I am begging you, next time there is an oil spill, take a moment to let it really sink in how disastrous of an event it really is, just trust me.

PS - I started over and the fried pickles were delish! So were the pot stickers I made last night from Trader Joe's.

So THIS Is LOVE

2009-01-28T13:22:00.003-06:00

Recently we got a Trader Joe's. If you have one, rush out now and go. I am obsessed.

Much of my life I have not been a huge fan of rice unless I got it at an Asian restaurant. Well, Trader Joe's has rice. ASIAN RICE. Okay, all rice is probably from Asia but this stuff is legit. Like, not Minute Rice.

I now understand why there are desserts made with this stuff, it is soo good! Salty, mixed in stuff, sweet, sticky, brown, fried, oh my goodness!

If you like hummus, Trader Joe's also has really good edamame hummus. I am going to try their pork pot stickers tonight, with rice of course. I'll let you know how it goes.

New Blog I Like

2009-01-26T14:33:00.001-06:00

This is pretty funny...http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

Two Equally Fantastic Yet Disgusting Things

2009-01-21T16:03:00.001-06:00

Photog of The Shining Variety

2009-01-21T13:30:00.002-06:00

So, these are some cool photographs that my friend took.

We'll call her Bashley Boverton. Okay, that isn't really her name. You'll see her real name though if you go to the website. I bet you can't guess what it is.

Cool Photography

PS - New poll over on the right. These are all things that I have actually heard my co-workers and / or managers discuss.

Baby, It Is F'ing Freezing Outside

2009-01-16T16:03:00.003-06:00

I really cannot remember a time in my life when it has been in the single digits. (I have only lived in Tennessee and Texas, don't be so surprised)

I now know why women in Wisconsin know how to drink.

So, I raise my hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps high in the air,

Here's to you, mid-western real ladies of genius!

Poor Baby

2009-01-14T08:12:00.002-06:00

As the DH is standing up: "Owww".

Me: "You need to stretch out your back, do downward dog".

DH: "That is like telling me to do Chinese".

Never a dull moment.

Brilliant...Or Moronic?

2009-01-07T07:42:00.003-06:00

So, you don't need to watch all of this video to get the gist.

I saw this commercial yesterday while I was working out and I thought that is just silly and how lazy can you get?!

But the more I watched, the more intrigued I was. Let's step back a minute.

How many times have you been cold and watching tv but you don't want to expose your arms to the "elements" so you have to rig your set up and somehow put the remote under the blanket yet position yourself so that, from underneath the blanket, you'll be able to change the channel? And then when you go to change the channel you can't find the remote because it fell into some crevice in the couch?

Forget about the fact that you look a tad bit like a monk in these things. I think they're great. My only concern would be that when you get up it might fall off but as the infomercial shows, they clearly stay on.

The only example I thought was a little far fetched, you know, besides when she is holding the baby, is at the campfire. If you are cold enough to be sitting at a campfire, then you would be wearing a winter jacket. That, and the fire is warming the front of you so you'd probably want something on the back of you.

New Fave - Bon Iver

2008-12-31T09:29:00.001-06:00

Let's end 2008 on a sweet musical note:

You can also find them on NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=88161899 They were featured on NPR's Best of 2008 on Dec. 30th but the podcast isn't up yet.

"Digestive Health"

2008-12-30T08:11:00.003-06:00

What is with all of these food items now promoting digestive health? Planters has a new nut mix promoting it, everyone talks about fiber, blah blah blah.

Here is how you get digestive health.

Eat a Chicken Biscuit for breakfast.

Wash it down with some coffee.

Bodda boom bodda bing.

Digestive Health.

PS - Update later on my Florida Christmas.

To Make Up For the SNL Video

2008-12-12T22:58:00.002-06:00

I found this little gem of a video to give you guys a nice chuckle since the awesomely hilarious Justin Timberlake Beyonce SNL skit was pulled.

If you watch this at work make sure to put headphones on, fair warning.

Dear Customers

2008-12-12T14:07:00.001-06:00

Thank you for spelling "f-o-r-e-s-t", "l-a-k-e", and "d-e-v-e-l-o-p-m-e-n-t" for me today. I'm glad to know that you think my education does not exceed that of a first grader.

The Diary of A Not So Angry White Woman

2008-12-11T08:00:00.003-06:00

Day 1: I am having an Italian Christmas. Seriously, who eats lasagna on Christmas day? We live in A-M-E-R-I-C-A people, get with the program! Do you realize you are serving a Daughter of the American Revolution Italian food?! Whateve, I'll be sure to get some extra dressing from my Mom, an American.

Day 2: Today at the Y a guy looked like he was doing something sexual on this machine that looks like it's purpose is to train you for the Winter Olympic Speed Skating event. He kept sticking his butt way out and then proceeded to make out with the equipment. It was extremely disturbing. I couldn't decide if maybe he was trying to get someone to notice him or if he was European and didn't know any better. Either way, I left the gym seriously disturbed.

Day 3: I was running late to work so I couldn't go by Starbucks and get my favorite, the non-fat Peppermint Mocha Twist with whip. Grrrr.

Day 4: My fingers hurt from folding Christmas letters which I now remember I left at home.

Day 5: I browned a pot roast before work this morning and now I smell like meat. But I'm a baller because I browned a pot roast before work.

Cubicles, Gotta Love Them

2008-12-10T07:59:00.002-06:00

Unless of course you are on the other side of a woman who, if you didn't know otherwise, could have written The Diary of A Mad Black Woman.

I can only handle so much Mary J. Blige. Coming through computer headphones.

15

2008-12-04T19:13:00.002-06:00

The other day my friend Baby Fish Mouth posted about her life as a fifteen-year-old. I told her I had her beat just with one simple word: band.

That's right people, I was in the marching band until my senior year of high school. When I was fifteen I was toting around a clarinet in my backpack, thank GOD it fit in there, so no one would know that I was in the BAND. I also had my first "real" boyfriend, he played saxophone and had a hoop earring HOT. My parents got a divorce and I suddenly found myself with a step-mom and a 3-yr-old step-sister. NOT hot, I only had one other friend with divorced parents. Side note, Oddly enough, that is still the case...how is that even possible with a divorce rate of ~50%?

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to take a dance class called "precision" which was basically a segway into the high school drill team. Now, those girls, THOSE girls were cool. With their cute sequined outfits, big makeup, and Texas cowboy hats and boots (we were the Cowboys, what do you expect?), I could only dream of every being that cool.

The only problem was one thing, I CAN'T DANCE. It was incredibly difficult for me to even learn the routine, let alone perfect it. That and I was petrified of anyone seeing my less-than-curvy body in a leotard. How embarrassing! More embarrassing than being in marching band! TOOT TOOT.

I too wore overalls A LOT, had my braces taken off that Spring, had Calvin Klein jeans, as many Tommy Hilfinger shirts as my Mom would buy me, and knee high socks.

FLASHBACK: We had to go to band camp two weeks before school started. No, it was not an actual camp. We had two-a-days at the same time as the freaking football team on a black asphalt parking lot at the high school. I got sun poisoning for the first time in my life SUPER COOL and several people passed out from a combination of the heat and locking their knees.

I was in the junior honor band as a frosh, SWEET, the only kids better than I was at the clarinet that were freshmen were Korean, in case you didn't know, a LOT of Korean people live in Dallas and are really freaking talented. Some of the Korean kids actually had GRAY HAIR. I mean, that shit is for real.

In middle school I ran track and cross-country and I was GOOD. Like top 10 every single time out of 200 girls running good. However, my MOTHER insisted that I stay in band, she'll tell you that isn't true but it is, what Mom wants their daughter to stay in band instead of being a cool high school athlete, I don't know. And yes, I still resent that because when I ran track again my junior of high school all of my talent had been marched away, no pun intended, BWAH.

Oh yea, that Spring, I decided one day after school to walk to our local Kroger and get a job. Yup, I bagged groceries. Some lady with umpteen million kids and two giant carts of groceries made me push BOTH carts out to her giant Euro van and didn't even tip me. I barely tipped the scale over 90 lbs. and this biotch expects me to push my weight in groceries in the 100 degree Texas weather. Oh well, I don't feel bad because I accidentally cracked some of the eggs that were on the CRATE of eggs she was buying.

All in all, I don't miss a single aspect of High School. My high school years weren't bad but they certainly weren't a musical BONK BONK.

Dear Husband, if you are reading this you bad ass Division 1 athlete you, you Senior superlative All Around Best Athlete, top 3 shut outs in the state of Pennsylvania in soccer and full basketball scholarship you, THANK YOU FOR MARRYING ME.

Things At Work That Make Me Go "Eww"

2008-12-04T09:59:00.003-06:00

Just because you "bedazzled" your black crocs with rhinestones, does not mean they are "business casual"
Lime Green Terry Cloth Cropped Drawstring Pants
Hair To Your Butt After The Age of 7
Smelling Like A Cigarette Factory Went Up In Flames
Pants So Tight That I Can See Your Cottage Cheese

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

2008-12-03T14:31:00.003-06:00

Pickles. Of the Clausen variety.
Chipotle Ranch from Moes.
Home Grown Tomatoes.
Peppermint Mochas (Liquid Christmas as I fondly call it due to Simpson).
Ornaments.
Reading. Obsessively. I don't know any other way.
My Husband's Beautiful Hair. I hope our kids get his hair. (Not the crazy long ones that occasionally grow out of his eyebrows though...)
The Smell of Fall and Winter.
Stories About My Friend Hot Tamale's Husband. Two words: White Rain
Wireless Internet.

If You Don't Do Anything Else For The Rest of Your Life...

2008-12-02T21:53:00.002-06:00

You should at least read this: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

When Texting Is Not Acceptable

2008-12-02T13:26:00.003-06:00

Much as there is cell phone etiquette, there is texting etiquette. As much as I'd love to hear the soundtrack of your urine being deposited into the ceramic basin known as a toilet, let's not go there. Other times people should not "go there" via a text:

Saying I Love You for the first time. If you are texting it, do you really mean it? Or are you just a complete wuss?
Breaking up with someone. Unless you are on a mission trip in the Congo, this is totally unacceptable.
Wishing a good friend Happy Birthday. Again, how much do you really mean it if you can't pick up the phone and at least say it?
Talking about your bowel movements. This is only okay with certain friends who have cleared talking about bathroom business with you.
Texting during church, at the dinner table, or during a phone call.

Please feel free to submit your own ideas of when it is not okay to text.

I'm One Lucky Lady

2008-11-25T23:22:00.002-06:00

I bet none of you have a snoring husband AND a snoring dog.

Beyonce Timberlake SNL Skit

2008-11-25T22:18:00.001-06:00

Okay, sorry folks but the video is down. I put up something that shows parts of the SNL skit but it just doesn't do it justice.

Of course SNL doesn't have it as one of their videos, that would just make too much sense, all of those people laughing and actually watching SNL again, why would anyone want that?

Now This, This Is Amusing

2008-11-19T07:59:00.002-06:00

I think the caption to this picture should be, "Call Girl Turned 1980's 9 to 5 Girl". Seriously.

I'm surprised she doesn't have hose on considering how covered up she is. We all know you were a prostitute, wearing something ridiculously conservative doesn't allows us to forget that. Der.

If I didn't know better, I'd think there was some nice Mormon girl on the t.v. And that it was 1986.

H is for HYSTERICAL

2008-11-17T11:18:00.002-06:00

Can't

Stop

Laughing

Um, What Exactly Was Your Marketing Rep Thinking?

2008-11-12T07:55:00.002-06:00

Does anyone else think this looks a tad bit like a you know what?...

Let The Countdown Begin KOL

2008-11-05T10:05:00.006-06:00

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=45792329

Two weeks to this day I get to see Kings of Leon.

Jared, if you are reading this, I love you. I don't normally like pretty boys but please don't cut your hair, or stand too close to me.

PS - Check them out at 2:43 praying. LOVE IT.

PSS - Okay, I couldn't get the embedding to work so I put the link instead.

Day 7 of Sleep Deprivation

2008-10-29T09:33:00.002-05:00

When is Breaking Dawn going to get here?

WHEN?!?!?!

I don't know how I survived last night.

Oh wait, I stayed up too late catching up on Gossip Girl.

Good idea.

Not.

According to Amazon it won't be here until Monday but it is in Memphis right now...it better be here by Thursday, I have to finish it before Baby Fish Mouth's events or I am going to be "using the restroom" for extended periods of time.

PS - Stephenie, if you are reading this, please, PLEASE, still write Midnight Sun. With a cherry on top.

PSS - Um, I should be playing Bella in the movies. I even have the vampire teeth, au natural. Pale skin is my thing! And I talk in my sleep and grind my teeth. I'm just missing the brown eyes but maybe when she transforms she can have green eyes instead! Or, I could just wear colored contacts. Can I at least be an extra?

Stephenie Meyer/Twilight/Need to Sleep...

2008-10-28T08:59:00.003-05:00

Ugh, I am O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D. The Twilight series is AWESOME.

Can't.

Put.

It.

Down.

I wonder if my boss would let me take a leave of absence so I can finish reading these books 24/7...

I ordered Breaking Dawn on amazon yesterday and it better get here FAST.

And for all you weirdos that think mystical stuff is un-Christian, please, GO AWAY. It is called FICTION for a reason. Or is it fiction??? HHHMMM?????

I would probably feel better if Vampires were actually the cause for many murders than by people that are just incredibly HORRIBLE.

Go to http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/ and buy the books.

Stephenie, if you're reading this, I heart you, let's get coffee some time and talk about your books. I'll even babysit your kids. Bye.

What They Should Be Doing

2008-10-23T08:59:00.001-05:00

Now this, THIS makes sense.

The Dog Park Is No Longer My Happy Place

2008-10-23T08:03:00.002-05:00

As most of you know, I like to frequent the dog park. Despite a post in which I described an unfortunate instance of a dog humping train, I still take Zoe about once a week. She gets to play, I get to unwind. It's a win win situation.

Until this past Saturday.

Something horrible happened.

And it didn't involve the dogs.

A certain individual who shall remain nameless because I don't know his name, was wearing jeans that were a wee bit too short.

That wasn't the worst part, shocking, I know.

This young man, let's call him "Joe the Plumber", sat down on a bench to chat to his lady friend. Except when he sat down, his pants dropped about 10 inches give or take a couple judging by the amount of ASS CRACK THAT WAS ON FULL DISPLAY.

I have never seen such horrible plumbers crack before! Not even when, on a separate occassion, a girl's thong was hiked up to her ears while she was bending over to get her dog!

It was HORRIBLE. One bystander commented that it was worse than gay porn which is pretty bad if you aren't into that kind of thing.

The worst thing about it was that it was actually a pretty chilly day, so HOW COULD JOE NOT FEEL THE COOL BREEZE SHOOTING DOWN HIS CRACK???!!!

I have come to the conclusion that he knew what he was doing and that he was more concerned with how his jeans looked from the lady friend's view than from THE REST OF THE WORLD.

Oh, MY EYES, MY EYYYYEEESSSS.

I'm still in recovery. The only thing that seems to be helping is my ass crack anon class.

Not Again.

2008-10-13T14:05:00.002-05:00

Some of you may remember the "leggings" post. Well, my Mom and I were at the mall a couple of weeks ago and she tried on a pair of cowboy-ish boots. I made a passing comment that they would look cute with skinny jeans tucked inside of them. She said, "Oh, I can't wear skinny jeans with my hips!". She then said, "Maybe I could wear them with leggings".

Um, back up a minute. If you cannot wear skinny jeans, you most DEFINITELY CANNOT WEAR LEGGINGS.

NOT THE LEGGINGS TALK AGAIN! What is with my Mom and leggings? She is convinced that this is the trend she needs to latch onto yet doesn't think she should be wearing skinny jeans.

WHERE IS THE LOGIC? Spandex is way way less forgiving than denim. I am going to do everything within my power as a considerate and fashion conscious daughter to prevent the purchase of said leggings...for the second year in a row. This is practically a part time job people.

It's Time for Some Campaignin'

2008-10-09T22:25:00.002-05:00

I think I could watch this 20 more times and still be entertained...oh, and sorry about Arnold advertising at the end. haha.

How It All Went Down

2008-09-29T08:02:00.001-05:00

Oh, um, interesting.

http://hotair.com/archives/2008/09/25/a-great-example-of-how-we-got-to-the-credit-market-meltdown/

Nashville Is Out of Gas

2008-09-24T14:30:00.001-05:00

When a Man Needs a Woman

2008-09-18T07:36:00.002-05:00

For the past two nights I have been incognito on the dinner front leaving DH on his own.

This is what he made:
Penne pasta (good start...)

with

Four Cheese Marinara (sounds yummy...)

with

Parmesan Cheese (he loves cheese...)

with

Cheddar Cheese (starting to lose me but still not too bad...)

with

Frankfurters (and gone.)

Only a boy would think, "Hmmm, I know what would really make this meal, these little frankfurters!".

Russia

2008-09-15T14:34:00.001-05:00

If any of you missed the opening skit for SNL, please see above. Sooo sooo funny. My favorite line was where Palin says, "I can see Russia from my house". Hilar!

The Facts of Life

2008-09-12T13:56:00.002-05:00

This past Wednesday I was faced with an undeniable fact that I need to come to terms with.

If it came down to food or me, my DH would definitely choose food.

Of course, I always knew that he loved food. I make dinner for a family of four because making dinner for two, well, that just won't suffice.

Except, as we were walking around a huge crowd of strangers at an event for Prevent Child Abuse TN, I almost lost him.

To the cocktail waiter with the chicken pastry.

Except, that my husband is so tall you can't really lose him.

Let's just hope that we never get stranded in the desert.

Penn Badgley and John Mayer - Identical Cousins

2008-09-12T13:51:00.003-05:00

The poll has been closed for a while but I thought I should post the results.

In what can only be described as a landmark win for those of us that think the two look oddly alike, but not quite identical twins, a whopping 62% agreed that they did look similiar. A further 2% of the 8 people who responded to this poll thought that they "definitely" looked alike.

1% had no idea who the two men are.

Next up: The Story of The Two Loves of Your Life.

All I Have To Say

2008-09-04T21:08:00.003-05:00

If any of you have not read Atlas Shrugged, than I suggest you get on that.

Spin Class - Not For the Faint of Heart

2008-08-28T08:30:00.003-05:00

Last week I went to a class at the YMCA. I called beforehand to see what the class was because it's called "cycle cross". I got the cycle part and could infer the cross part but wanted to make sure.

Well, the lady just said it was a spin class. So I thought, alright, I'll give it a go.

I showed up and had to be directed to it because it was in some convoluted location in a hallway off of the gym.

What I saw before my eyes was not right.

It was a small room lit entirely with black lights and painted in all black and neon colors to really give it a nice glow.*

Maybe they should name the class "psychedelic trip you out spin".

That's not even the worst part, that part was actually kind of fun. I had on a white t-shirt so I was glowing. It feels good to glow every once in a while.

Anywho, I soon realized I was in the spin class from hell.

The class starts out with spinning, then you run upstairs to the roof, run around a small track, sprint around the small track, do some crazy ab workout on a balance ball, push ups, squats for two minutes straight, run and sprint some more, more crazy abs, side abs, push ups and then squats for 3 straight minutes.

THEN, you run back downstairs and spin some more.

THEN, you run up and down the stairs for 8 minutes.

THEN, you spin some more!

Now I know why no one told me what the class was.

I'm going back tonight.

*After doing some follow-up research, apparently, a lot of spin classes are lit by black lights. I had just never been to one that was lit with black lights.

Sick. Out.

2008-08-27T14:40:00.003-05:00

Most of you will recognize this cute little image of a worm in an apple. I never thought much about it until the other day.

When I found a worm in one of my home-grown tomatoes.

That had been sitting in my kitchen for a few days.

Did you vom in your mouth a little bit just now?

Yea, I did too. And then yelled for my DH to come throw it outside before I vomed elsewhere.

Isn't so cute any more is it?

It's A Sad Day

2008-08-22T09:28:00.003-05:00

Well, as promised, I am following up on my Bigfoot post. This is a very morose time for us Bigfoot aficionados. What was originally thought as a breakthrough in our harrowing journey for Bigfoot turned out to be a hoax. I am still in shock.

Apparently these "jokesters" bought a Bigfoot costume and stuffed it with possum roadkill and slaughterhouse leftovers. These two men have no idea how tragic this is for the Bigfoot community. I feel like a mockery.

The hunt continues.